I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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