the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
