mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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