She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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