covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
