Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
