There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I love you.
Bad choice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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