my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
