He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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