I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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