I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A+ Viking dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
