So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He did a backflip because drugs
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