Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
