When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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