So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
