According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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