oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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