Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
