I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
