Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
