I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize