i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I did not marry a roomba.
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