therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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