this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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