I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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