Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize