I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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