I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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