what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
