Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
