I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
