this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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