This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
