Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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