Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
