So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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