i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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