lets start a swedish sibling band together
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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