i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
