did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
