you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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