Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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