He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm like, not good at living.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
