i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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