evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
