listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
