She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
