# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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