I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
