dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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