Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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