Swine flu is the new snow day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
