no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
