my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
