There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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