im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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