it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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