Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
