when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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