I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
