so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
