He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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