Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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