I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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