i will never coherently bang her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
