So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
