i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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