Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
